How I Met Your Mother. Period.

Last week game night was canceled, so I had an extra night to work on schoolwork.

So of course I instead taught myself how to use iMovie† by fixing the final episode of How I Met Your Mother.

OK, here come mild spoilers for a series that ran 2005-2014. I’m going to keep this to a level that I don’t think ruins anything if you haven’t seen the series and now go watch it, but tolerance of spoilers varies, so if you’re super extra-special averse, just take my word for it that it’s excellent except the final episode, and if you’re that averse I can’t possibly explain to you how to fix it without including spoilers. But if you trust me, read on.

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Is reuse really a new thing?

I was reading this and thinking “I was never particularly into Jonny Quest, but the premise is solid, and if they do something about Hadji it could be a pretty good movie”.

But why  all the remakes? Why does everything have to be a rehash of something from a few decades ago?

The obvious answer is because of ever-lengthening copyright.

But then I thought about how characters and stories have been reused for centuries—millennia, even. From reusing Osiris’ story for both Moses and Jesus, through the endless retellings of Cinderella, to the many adaptations of Robin Hood and Sherlock Holmes.

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Default-Male in Movies

A couple weeks ago, Polygraph released a massive study of dialogue in films, broken down by gender, and compared in various genres and other categories.

What I find most striking about this is that a lot of the skew comes simply from the number of male/female characters in the main cast. Sarah Connor has roughly as many lines as John Connor in Terminator 2, but she’s basically the only female character, so the film as a whole is 3/4-male dialogue.

But why is this? Why is it not at all unusual to have a movie that has an entirely male cast, or just a token female, but even movies whose premise could justify an all-female cast have several men? Sister Act, a movie about a woman hiding in a convent, has fully a quarter of the dialogue given to men. There’s no particular reason for the men to have that much of the dialogue, and other than the mobsters (who need to be men so they can’t easily infiltrate the convent), there’s no reason all the other character couldn’t be female.

The male equivalent of a movie like Bridesmaids could well have no significant speaking parts for women, and it wouldn’t stand out at all. Bridesmaids has six female leads, and still gives 18% of the dialogue to men; The Hangover has only 3 male leads, each of which has a female significant other, and yet women only get 11% of the dialogue. So it’s in part a matter of choice. Writers and directors are choosing to give all the dialogue to the leads in male-lead movies, and choosing to include significant male characters in female-lead movies. Similarly, there’s a general trend that when the lead character is a woman, the sidekick is a man; when the lead character is a man, the sidekick is a man. Why is this?

Why is it so hard to say “all characters are female, unless there’s a reason to be male”, but very common to start from the premise that all characters are male until proven otherwise? Why don’t movies start from the assumption that the lead cast (and the supporting cast, separately considered, for that matter) will be 50/50, roughly reflecting the populace, and only shift from that when story needs or exceptional actors dictate?

And, no, “that would be unrealistic” isn’t an argument. I mean, sure, for certain historical stories, gender skew reflects the times. But look what Outlander has been able to do in 18th-century Scotland and France: there were a lot of women in those places at that time, and it’s not that hard to include them in your story. And, ok, so you’re telling a real story—I get it, Woodward and Bernstein were, in fact, men, as were most (all?) of their sources and all of the people they were investigating. But that’s not most movies. Even most movies “based on a true story” are at least as far removed from the source as The Hobbit: the Battle of Five Armies is from The Hobbit. Why not, while making those changes, insert some women if there weren’t many?

(But please, do it well! Adding a character just so you can say there’s a female character, but not really integrating the character into the story, making them a love interest for no real reason, and then killing them off so that a male character whom you also added and wasn’t part of the original story can be the badass that kills the male villain whom you also added and wasn’t part of the original story is not really helping things. I’m pretty sure making a couple of the dwarves female would’ve been less jarring.)

And when you’re making up your story? well, you see, that’s the nature of fiction: you can decide the genders of the characters. It can be aspirational or inspirational, instead of “realistic”. You can make half the cops in your fictional police department in your fictional city women—so long as they act like cops, it shouldn’t really matter.


It’s not a perfect analysis, of course—sometimes the lead character is relatively taciturn. But looking at movies I’m familiar with, I think it’s safe to say the aggregate is pretty representative. Plus, they’ve got a detailed explanation of their methodology, a FAQ, and access to most of the data. And it’s sad.

It’s a truism that little boys aren’t interested in movies with female leads, while little girls are perfectly capable of identifying with male leads. I don’t know to what degree this is actually true, or if anyone has even researched it seriously, but how much of this is due to exposure? If boys and men can avoid movies with female leads and still have tons of choice, that makes it easy to be persnickety. Whereas if girls and women basically have the choices of “empathize with male leads”, “watch a very tiny subset of dramas and romcoms”, or “don’t see movies”—well of course they develop the ability to relate to movies that have male leads. Maybe if rejecting female action figures meant rejecting half the set (instead of just one token character), little boys would get over this.

Batman v. Superman v. Storytelling

Just heard a news report referring to the “long-awaited movie Batman vs. Superman“.

Long-awaited by whom? I keep running into reviews of it, and articles scattered across the last 6 months, that imply or outright state that what fans of superhero movies, and particularly fans of Superman and/or Batman, want is to see them fight for no reason. Is there this huge market of people who care enough about these characters to be interested in this conflict, but don’t care so much about these characters that they mind that the person wearing the red cape shares none of the characteristics that have defined Superman for the last 75+ years?

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How I Met Your Spoilers

Seriously, spoilers ahead. If you haven’t watched the last episode of How I Met Your Mother, and have any intention of watching the show, just skip this post. Or, better yet, go watch the show and then come back. 

Yes, the whole show. Oh, sure, there were some bad episodes, and season 7 as a whole is a bit weak—but how many shows make it 9 years without a few duds? And, in the context of the rest of the show, season 7 is still better than most seasons of most shows—you usually have to go to serious drama to do better than that. I’ll still be here in 76 hours. 

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Eight Deadly Words without five deadly words?

I’m now 14.25 episodes into Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, and I realized both why I’m watching and why I’m not telling anyone else to watch.

I don’t care what happens to these people

But here’s the funny thing: I do care what happens.
I want to know where the plot leads, and I really want to know the answers to the many mysteries and questions.

spoilers!

I want to know who the blue torso is and what that tells us about “Tahiti”. I want to know what Tahiti stands for. I want to know if Skye has superpowers. But not to see how she or anyone else reacts–I’m just curious about the powers. I want to know if the Clairvoyant really is–and if he’s a character from the comics. I want to know whether the secret groups that seem to be working for SHIELD really are. And so on. I want know why Coulson is so special–or that he actually isn’t.

But this is all about the plot, the world-building, the mystery. Put completely different characters in there, and it really wouldn’t make a difference. Well, I might like or dislike them, and thus care, but I wouldn’t care that these characters were gone.

And I’m not sure where to put the blame. I’ve enjoyed some of these actors elsewhere. I’ve liked everything else Whedon has written. I’m interested in the world. And as I said, I like the storylines. We even have good ongoing development of both the plot and the characters. I just don’t care about those characters.

How Not to Take Over the World

The Evil Mastermind has at his disposal:
1: A guy who can generate winds sufficiently powerful to smash his way into Tony Stark’s Vault of Dangerous Top Secret Things™.
2: A radiation source capable of melting a battleship in a matter of seconds, through a mile or so of water.
3: A cosmic space dragon.
4: A super-genius, who in turn controls:
5: “Titanium Man”, an unstoppable force of destruction.

So, what’s his clever plan to Conquer the World, BWAHAHAHAH!!! ? Continue reading